Rediscovering Yourself During Covid-19

I figured since last week, I went pretty deep into my health issues, I would keep a bit “light” this week. Monday marked 17 weeks or of working from home. For some people, I know that they have hated the wfh life. I understand that perhaps they miss the social aspect of things. And on a more serious note, I know that being quarantined for those in abusive homes- adults and children alike was the worst possible situation to be in. In addition to that, children who count on being fed were deeply impacted by this pandemic that we are all dealing with. I am touched by the number of posts, awareness, and donations that I have seen to help people in need. What the world needs the most right now is social interaction, love, support, and a shoulder to lean on.

When I was younger, I remember my sibling telling me that no matter what circumstance you may face, no one will love you or look out for you as much as you will for yourself. At that time, I disagreed with them. However, over the years, I have realized that what they said is 100% correct. While I know that my husband, parents, siblings, and family love me dearly, I do know at the end of the day, I will put myself first. My happiness comes before others, my physical health comes before others, and my mental health comes before others. If I am not putting myself first and ensuring that I am 100% stable and in love with who I am, then I am unable to be there to support others when they need me most.

In the past 17 weeks, I decided to take back charge of my life. Since my seizures kicked in 8 months ago, I had started to find myself spiral into a state of depression. At first, I thought, “why is this happening to me?” But then I realized that matters could have been far worse. In January, I made the decision to start walking again and decided to try out listening to podcasts. Work made it hard at times to find a balance, trying to get a nice (and healthy) dinner made for the evening, ensuring that I had a balanced lunch made on a daily basis, and getting to bed on time. But work from home has helped me feel more productive and I found myself getting addicted to walking. In the month of May, I walked 120 miles. While this was 30 miles short of my goal, it was something huge to celebrate and I realized how much it helped me disengage from a lot of negative energy that I was holding inside of me. In an odd way, as depressing as this may sound, it gave me a purpose in life. 

My walks have made me feel accomplished, they allowed me to drain out the negative sounds of everything else going on around me, my health, work stress, home life, etc and instead, connect with nature, and immerse myself into a life other than mine. I started a garden (only 5 plants of which 1 has now died), I planted flowers for the first time, we got our house renovated, and though some of this was stressful, at the end of the day, all of these changes have brought a lot of joy in my life. It has for sure helped me pull myself out of this rut that I had found myself in. I used to be a very happy, go-lucky girl, who did not have much to care about and while part of my personality changed due to age and responsibilities, I also recognize that part of this was because I had some insecurities that I had to get over and realize my self-worth.

My weight played a big issue in that, and what played a big issue in my weight was having gone through the trauma that I will write about in a few of my upcoming posts. However, the more and more I started to think about it, the more I realized that by allowing myself to spiral down this type of ‘woe is me’ mentality, I was allowing the so-called demons inside of me win and keep me from living the life that I deserved.

Moving out to the west coast, away from my family and everything that I knew a few years back was a huge change for me. I had never left home for more than a few days on my own and that too was for someplace that may have been a 2-3 hour drive away. At times, I regret moving 2500 miles away from my parents and wish that somehow I will end up back there, but I also feel that had I not made the move, I would not have accomplished certain things in life.

Prior to COVID, my Fridays were spent walking aimlessly around Costco, Ross, and Marshalls, coming home to watch “My Lottery Dream Home” and passing out on the sofa with my pups to. Now, my Friday nights are spent sitting outside in my newly made backyard, watching something on Netflix, and enjoying the amazing oxygen this world provides to us. I no longer feel the need to have materialistic items to make me feel full and I have taken a step back to enjoy the small things in life.

COVID has taught me that you can never be prepared for everything but you can be prepared for things- it is all about the angle of you approach it and I hope that you all have approached this time as a way to take a step back and look at what matters most in your life- YOU, and do what makes you happy.

With all of that being said, my husband and I have decided to take a break from our work life and go off the grid for just the weekend (minus an IG post here and there to share the beauty of nature with people). We are looking forward to reconnecting without any external factors, but most importantly, are excited to get away from the place that we have been stuck in for 17 weeks now (minus that short trip we took home).

So here is to a great weekend for you all and for me. May it be filled with slowing life down a little, taking time to take on a new hobby, reconnecting with who you are, and enjoying the little things around us.

Until next week…<3