Pot Fourth…or Karva Chauth

Once a year, married women in India and across the globe celebrate a Hindu festival called Karva Chauth. Literally translated, the festival is “pot fourth.” Karva means pot and Chauth means the fourth day. The festival falls on the fourth day of the Hindu month Kartik, and in the old days, women would decorate clay pots a few days before the festival and fill them with presents for their friends. They would exchange these pots (karvas) on the day of the festival.

The idea behind the festival is to pray for a health and long life for one’s husband. The festival is mostly celebrated in the northern and western parts of India. Rumor has it that many of the men who served in the military originated from these regions. Therefore, women would fast for their protection and pray that their husband’s would make it back home safely.

While this seems to be a very sexist festival this day in age, I have realized that the festival is what you make of it. Growing up, my father would always fast with my mom. The two would get up together at the crack of dawn to eat “sargi,” a pre-dawn breakfast. Several items make up the sargi- both savory and sweet items. Sargi is often a large meal to help one keep full as from then on, they will not be able to eat or drink until the moon is spotted and ritual complete. Together, my parents would break their fast. When my sibling got married, it was the same way; both husband and wife observed their fasts together.

This year, I celebrated my first Karva Chauth. At first, I was going back and forth about the whole thing. I firmly believe (and I am sure that science backs me up on this idea) that one day of fasting will not stop the effects of eating junk food, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes (my husband does not smoke), and all of the other ways we punish our bodies on a day to day basis.

Additionally, I was raised to always know that I am whole as myself. I have never felt like my husband has completed me or my life for that matter. While he has enhanced my life and brought a new outlook in life, I know that with or without him, I am still 100% capable to do this thing called life and be successful at it. Because of this, I refused to keep a fast unless my husband kept one as well. After all, we are equal parts of this relationship and my health and safety is just as important as his, and I was delighted to hear that he too would fast on the day of Karva Chauth.

Being removed from my family and his, figuring out what to do and how to do things was pretty complicated. I found myself googling what other people’s thalis (plates used during religious rituals) looked like and how they were decorated. I ran out to the grocery store an hour before I had to leave for work on the day of the festival to buy some supplies for myself. In the evening, when it came time to partake the activities and prayers, FaceTime and YouTube were our best friends. That’s the great thing about modern technology- one minute you can be totally helpless and the next minute, you can be full of knowledge. Eventually, the moon came out, we did what we had to do, and we were finally able to break our fast.

I actually ate a few times throughout the day; on my way to work, I ate a protein muffin. I had brought a few grapes and energy nut mix to work to munch on every few hours. While some may frown down upon the fact that I did not have the discipline to not eat or drink all day, I beg to differ. To have been able to celebrate Karva Chauth after working a 12 hour day, getting up at 4:30 am and going to bed at 11 pm without a nap in between was the real win for me. I tend to get cranky when I am hungry or tired- putting those two together was a lethal mix. While many people had their suggestions and insights as to how I should celebrate this day, I made it into what I wanted it to be like- a start of a family tradition for years to come.

More than anything, my day of ‘fasting’ allowed me to reflect on the things that really matter in the relationship. A friend of mine had mentioned to me that the day to day juggling of responsibilities, fighting the desire to go to sleep in order to help my spouse out, support that we have provided each other, and obstacles that we have overcome is the true Karva Chauth. This hit me hard- why do we give ourselves one day in the entire year to celebrate our marriage, and that too, celebrate the man we are married to.

It’s the tiny actions that we take on on a day to day basis, the way we interact day in and day out, and the way we choose to love one another consistently that really matters. I am blessed to have a spouse who empowers me, who supports me, and who consistently pushes me to reach my true potential and who has embraced my goals and ambition as OUR goals and ambitions. While I look forward to one day being able to celebrate Karva Chauth with my family, I look more forward to the daily celebrations and win that we will both bring to our marriage.