Not too long ago, I attended a party where a gentleman had the audacity to sit there and talk about his wife needing to lose weight. I was appalled by his comment seeing that he weighs at least over 300 lbs. Now I am not one to speak about weight as I have dealt with weight issues through my life, but for someone to sit there and talk about his wife losing weight when she may be half the size of him and has birthed two of this kids struck a nerve with me to the point where I had to just walk away from the situation.
In the last couple of years, I have lost a good amount of weight and when I go back and look at photos of myself, it is hard to believe that I let myself get to that point. But then I realize, that at that weight or not,my weight did not make up my personality, my self-worth, or anything to do with my goals and ambitions.
When I first moved out to the West Coast, I was stuck in a job that I hated. I had moved cross country to get promoted into a role that was soon going to be vacant. Needless to say, that day did not come and I would go home in tears several days a week. The stress of work, feeling alone, and living a life that I was not happy with allowed my weight to spiral out of control. The odd thing about all of this- I worked for a gym but after working 10-hour workdays where I rarely even had time to eat a proper lunch, that last thing I wanted to do was to spend another second inside of that hell hole.
When I was 15, I learned that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) outside of just having a bunch of cysts on my ovaries, this also meant painful periods, rupturing cysts that would make your abdominal area feel like hell, irregular periods, a heightened level of testosterone in the body which then, of course meant an excessive amount of hair growth in areas such as the back, chest, neck, etc. And let me tell you, the hair on my neck and chin comes in like crazy and I always feel so embarrassed by it! However, another thing that PCOS causes is an issue with weight. Now, I am not blaming my weight issues only on PCOS but even when I work out, eat healthily, and maintain a good balance in life, my body will plateau at some point which can be pretty discouraging.
Within the South Asian culture, women are thought to be beautiful when they are thin, light-skinned, and flawless which lets ne realistic, we know this is not possible nor should it be the way we think. Have you ever looked at an Indian matrimonial ad? The weight of the girl is put into the ad- like who gives a fuck that the girl has started her own business or has come over adversity, we just give a shit that she weighs 50kgs and not 100.
In the US there is a lot to be heard and seen about being overweight and obese, but it is very different in Indian culture. When I watch Indian tv shows, the comments made towards those who are obese are savage. There is no filter. The thing about it is that you don’t know what the story is that may have lead someone to getting to that point- I have my story of how I did and I am sure that I am not the only one out there with my story.
I am happy to see a movement with the young adult generation in India to overcome old thoughts and habits, like overcoming Section 377 (hooray for legalizing gay sex), I am proud to know that India has accepted hermaphrodites as a third sex in the country, but we still sit there and make fun of the overweight FEMALES? Seriously, think about it, in the Indian culture, the males get away with so much. I have witnessed this first hand within my own family. The men get away with so much and why, because of this damn backward thinking that a son or man is the face of the family- and if that face weighs 300 pounds, who gives a fuck about that because men are the respect of the family, the one to carry the family name on. But, no matter what the woman brings to the table, she is defined by her looks and her weight.
When I married my husband, I made one thing very clear to him- if there was ever any thought that he wanted to move back to India then our relationship could and would end right there because I had and have no intentions in raising a child in India where maybe my thinking is very ‘forward’ but the thinking of those around me may not be. As I said, while there is a growing understanding and a voice that if finally growing, the change is just not fast enough for the area that my husband has grown up in.
I fully understand the health aspects around maintaining a healthy weight, but I also understand that need to remain mentally healthy and positive . It is important to surround yourself with people who want to help you be a better you, be it losing weight, finding inner peace, being proud of who you are and your accomplishments, and NOT ALLOWING YOUR WEIGHT TO DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. If you want to change, change for yourself. And you best not damn allow a culture to tell you what the ideal female looks like because the world would be a pretty dual place if we were all the same.
So, with that being said, let’s fill this week with a lot of positivity and self-love, I for sure know that I could use some of that this week and I have every intention of doing so 💕
